Ways to Support Survivors of Domestic Violence

  • Talk to her about what you see and assure her that you are concerned. Tell her that you believe her and that it is not her fault.

  • Encourage her not to confront her partner if she is planning to leave. Her safety and that of her children must be protected. The most dangerous time for a woman for serious injury or death is when she is leaving the relationship

  • Offer to provide childcare while she seeks help

  • Support her to connect with violence against women community services who can help her safety plan

  • Make sure she’s got local crisis line numbers and emergency shelter locations

Anova Domestic Violence & Sexual Violence Crisis & Support Line - 519-642-3000 or 1-800-265-1576

Atlohsa Healing (Indigenous) Emergency Crisis Line - 1-800-605-7477

If she denies the abuse

  • Let her know that she can talk to you any time

  • Don’t get angry or frustrated with her decisions. It’s important to understand that she may be afraid or not ready to take next steps

  • Try to understand why she might be having difficulty getting help

  • Offer to go with her if she needs additional information or support

  • If she has children, let her know gently that you’re concerned about her and her children’s safety and emotional well-being. She may be more willing to recognize her situation if she accepts that her children may also be in danger.

Adapted from Neighbours, Friends & Families – www.neighboursfriendsandfamilies.ca

Why she might stay

  • Lack of resources or income

  • Fear for children, pets, or other family members

  • She blames herself for the abuse, which over time, has eroded her sense of self-worth

  • She loves the perpetrator even as she fears him

  • She’s trapped in a complex cycle of confusion, fear, hope and despair

  • Shame and low self esteem

  • Guilt about taking her children away from their father

  • Concern that she can’t support her children on her own

  • Her partner controls the finances or doesn’t give her access to a vehicle

  • The abuse feels normal due to growing up in a home with violence

  • She feels responsible for the perpetrator or worries that he might harm himself

  • She’s suffering from post-traumatic stress & is isolated and alienated from friends and family

  • She believes her partner will change

  • She believes that the relationship is her best option

Ways to Support Survivors of Sexual Violence

  • Listen – Without judgment or trying to solve the problem

  • Believe – Don’t question their version of events. Tell him or her that you believe them.

  • Ask how you can help – Don’t take control of the situation but let the survivor make the decisions that are right for him or her

  • Don’t blame or shame them – it doesn’t matter what they were wearing, how much they drank, whether they had consented to earlier stages. It’s never their fault.

  • Respect boundaries – Do what they ask you to do and respect their limits. Don’t share their story without consent or offer suggestions if they don’t want any.

  • Empower them – Support him or her to take control of their own healing and to make the choices that are right for them

  • Share resources – This could be community services, peer support, groups, alternative healing, among others

  • Accompany him or her to get help – If they decide to move forward with seeking help or pressing charges, offer to accompany them so they have support

  • Combat victim blaming and rape culture – Call people out and look for opportunities to educate about why things like rape jokes or victim blaming is hurtful and perpetuates violence against women.

  • Hold abusers accountable for their actions – And leave open the possibility that they may also have experienced trauma and might need their own supports

  • Have conversations with men in your life – Talk about consent and healthy relationships and that lasting change involves all men

  • Take care of yourself – It’s can be hard to hear disclosures of violence and abuse and can be triggering if you have your own experiences.

Anova Domestic Violence & Sexual Violence Crisis & Support Line - 519-642-3000 or 1-800-265-1576

Atlohsa Healing (Indigenous) Emergency Crisis Line - 1-800-605-7477

Regional Sexual Assault & Domestic Violence Treatment Centre - Phone – 519- 646-6100, ext. 0

Ways to Support Survivors of Human Trafficking

  • Provide information – There are many things a survivor may need help with including basic needs, housing and counselling. Provide information and allow the survivor to make their own decisions and choices.

  • Be respectful of privacy and confidentiality - It may be hurtful or dangerous to disclose the survivor’s situation to others – including police. Don’t disclose personal information without the survivor’s knowledge or permission.

  • Offer to accompany the survivor to seek help with community services or police – Human trafficking survivors feel a deep sense of disempowerment as a result of being violated. It’s important to support the decisions the survivor makes, even if you don’t agree with them.

  • Remind the survivor that you care - The survivor may worry that their friends, loved ones and their community won’t think of them in the same way. Assure him or her that you don’t see them differently, and that you are here to support them.

  • Trust the survivor - Let the survivor know that you believe him or her and you honor the decisions they make.

  • Be aware of your own reactions – You may feel many emotions such as confusion, hurt, anger, or revulsion. It’s important to manage your reaction. And that no matter how helpful you are, you may not be able to change the situation. Your respectful support is critical.

  • Accept that they may not see themselves as a victim – Trafficked individuals may have strong emotional ties to their trafficker, may believe that they will be together in the future, and may feel strong loyalty even after they’ve left

  • Recognize the difference between what you want and what the survivor wants - Try to distinguish between what you are doing to make yourself feel better from what you are doing to help the survivor. You may be tempted to do things that are not helpful to the survivor, like pushing them to make changes before they are ready. Ask the survivor what would be most helpful.

  • Know your limitations – Everyone has a limit to how much they can give. This doesn’t make you a failure. It is important to know your own limitations of support and to share these clearly with the survivor. Provide the survivor with other support options like calling the Canadian Human Trafficking Hotline and other local organizations so they can build a range of supports.

  • Seek support for yourself - Talking with someone who can help you work through your own feelings will better enable you to support the survivor. But remember to respect the survivor’s privacy when seeking support from others.


Adapted from “Helping a Survivor of Sexual Assault” by Sexual Assault Prevention and Awareness Center at University of Michigan